It started with a dildo in a tree

Just to be clear, it wasn't a tree shaped like a penis (e.g., this cactus or this iceberg), nor was it a tree with naturally penis-shaped growths. Nope, some bozo impaled a large, pink, slightly translucent dildo on the branch of a tree next to the onramp to the 95. I mean, who takes the time to climb up into a tree and stick a dildo on the end of a branch? The worst part is that I was rendered speechless by the sight, and therefore couldn't tip anyone else off to this once in a lifetime experience before we had driven well past it.

Well, you can probably guess what that did for my climbing tonight. I sucked. Haha, but seriously, my climbing was terrible (after only two weeks off!). My leads went downhill from 10 > 9- > 8-, and I tried toproping an 11 that I climbed a long time ago. Oh well. The only route I managed to climb clean was a pink 10 with a fun layback section that transitions to some really awkward stemming.

Joana and Guillaume, on the other hand, tore it up! J worked through a slew of 10's, demonstrating that her poleates or whatever she does is making her stronger. Perhaps she was spurred by G's rather awkward compliment of Brasilian women (ask him, I ain't gonna repeat it). She got the bottom part of the pink 10, and had the gall to turn around after what I thought was the crux and tell me, 'Eh, it wasn't that hard.' G alternated some leading (green 9 and a 10 up front) and toproping (black 11 and pink 11 by the tunnel, both of which he climbed easily). He finished off by working on leading a stiff 11 (green/red) under the arch that I think we've seen Meghan climb. Looks hard.

Quote of the night from our driver:

'I wish I had a dildo-shaped lighter.'

Guess what he's getting for Christmas?

What a thematic night! And I'm not even gonna repeat the twisted nursery-school rhyme that Joana kept singing...